I guess that airplane travel is an easy target. Who would disagree that airplane travel is miserable? But there are two things that irritate the bejeezus out of me that I never hear discussed.
Before I get to those two things, can I just make one observation about airplane seats? Can someone please explain to my why they are not at least as wide at the top of the seat as they are at the bottom? It's no secret that I am chubby. But, my ass and my waist fit in my seat with room to spare. The problem is my arms and my shoulders. Unfortunately, I cannot remove my arms from my torso and place them in the overhead. Well, I could. But it would be very difficult to put them back on. Has anyone ever see a human being whose ass is wider than their shoulders? Scratch that. Let me rephrase. Is it fair to say that most people are broader at the shoulders than they are at the hips? Who are these seats designed for, people without arms?
Dear fellow passengers (especially women), please control your purses, shopping bags, and luggage as you board the plane. I am tired of being whacked by your purse as you board. Your purses and luggage should be held in front of you or behind you as you walk down the aisle, not to your side. The next one of you that hits me with your oversized bag full of truly essential items is not going to make it to the final destination of their flight. Instead, I will leap out of my seat and choke you to death right there in the aisle. And don't expect the other passengers to defend you. They will be too busy applauding.
Dear passenger seated behind me. I paid for my seat. In my mind, this means that I am entitled to its use, while you are not. Notice that the back of my seat does not have a built-in grab bar, like the handicapped bathroom stalls you undoubtedly use even though you do not need them. Please do not yank on my seat to pull your fat ass up as you stand. Instead, try using those tree stumps that you call legs to rise from your seat. If you still find it difficult to stand, try using your own armrests to support yourself. The next person who yanks on the back of my seat to sit or stand is going to have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets. Then, when they can no longer see, I will also steal their in-flight snack.
Before I get to those two things, can I just make one observation about airplane seats? Can someone please explain to my why they are not at least as wide at the top of the seat as they are at the bottom? It's no secret that I am chubby. But, my ass and my waist fit in my seat with room to spare. The problem is my arms and my shoulders. Unfortunately, I cannot remove my arms from my torso and place them in the overhead. Well, I could. But it would be very difficult to put them back on. Has anyone ever see a human being whose ass is wider than their shoulders? Scratch that. Let me rephrase. Is it fair to say that most people are broader at the shoulders than they are at the hips? Who are these seats designed for, people without arms?
Dear fellow passengers (especially women), please control your purses, shopping bags, and luggage as you board the plane. I am tired of being whacked by your purse as you board. Your purses and luggage should be held in front of you or behind you as you walk down the aisle, not to your side. The next one of you that hits me with your oversized bag full of truly essential items is not going to make it to the final destination of their flight. Instead, I will leap out of my seat and choke you to death right there in the aisle. And don't expect the other passengers to defend you. They will be too busy applauding.
Dear passenger seated behind me. I paid for my seat. In my mind, this means that I am entitled to its use, while you are not. Notice that the back of my seat does not have a built-in grab bar, like the handicapped bathroom stalls you undoubtedly use even though you do not need them. Please do not yank on my seat to pull your fat ass up as you stand. Instead, try using those tree stumps that you call legs to rise from your seat. If you still find it difficult to stand, try using your own armrests to support yourself. The next person who yanks on the back of my seat to sit or stand is going to have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets. Then, when they can no longer see, I will also steal their in-flight snack.
2 comments:
ok, now, speaking as one who has trouble with her hips, I am one that grabs the seat in front of me when I stand up. The arm rests don't go up high enough to support my legs as I rise. So, if you steal my in-flight snack, I'll just clobber you over the head with my cane! :)
Love the blog-every-day-thing...I feel like i"m having a conversation with you!!
And while your at it fellow passenger, when you pass through security, please have your shit together!!!! TSA has not allowed liquids of more than a few ounces for awhile. You don't need a gallon of shampoo. And don't talk to me on the plane. I don't give a Shit where you're going and why. I'm going someplace stupid that you don't want to know about. Sigh.......
Dennis
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