April 12 - Rant Of The Day

Yesterday, we went out to buy some paint. We came home with a new car. Overall, this transaction was a relatively easy process. But it was still nowhere as simple as it should have been. Had the economy been stronger than it is now, I surely would have been put through the ringer at the dealership, the same way I always have been in the past. In most cases if you want to buy a car, you can forget the words "quick" or "simple". The process of buying a car is a ridiculous exercise that has never benefited a single buyer.

Imagine what it would be like if buying a new pair of shoes was similar to the car buying process. First you would arrive at the shoe store where a group of shoe salesmen would be smoking and drinking coffee near the entrance. As you exit your car, one would approach and offer friendly assistance. The two of you would go inside where the salesman would point out different features and make suggestions, trying to convince you that his shoes are much better than anyone else's shoes.

After trying a few pairs on for size and walking in them a bit, you would make a selection. "Ah yes", the salesman would say. "Those plastic flip-flops are our most popular model." "I don't know", you say nonchalantly. You try your best to act indifferent to the flip-flops, but you are imagining how good those giant plastic flowers will make your feet look. As a display of your indifference, you slowly walk toward the exit. Suddenly the salesman offers you some delicious coffee and comfortable seat. "Don't leave. You are going to love those flip-flops when you get them home", the salesman says. "What will it take for me to get you into those flip-flops today?"

You yawn. (This is not your first day at the rodeo.) Your old flip flops are still in perfectly fine shape, but they don't have that "new flip-flop smell" anymore. Inside, you know you won't be happy until you have the new ones with the big plastic flowers. "Don't let on that you like them", you think to yourself.

"I'm sure we can make you a very good deal", the salesman says. Suddenly, he whips out a piece of paper with four squares on it. In each square he writes a different number including the asking price for the flip-flops, trade-in value of your old flip-flops, and the recommended down payment and the monthly payment for your new shoes. He slides the piece of paper to your side of the table where you are shocked to see that the salesman is asking twice the going rate for this new pair of flip-flops, your old flip-flops are worthless (even though you know they are in good shape), the down payment is more than you have ever had in your checking account, but the monthly payment is only twenty eight cents.

You try to keep a poker face and you make a sly counter offer. You know what those new flip-flops are really worth and you are not going to be taken for a ride, just because those flowers on the toe are the perfect shade of purple. You and the salesman continue to haggle. Every time you make a counter offer, he leaves you waiting for fifteen minutes while he goes to talk to the manager who sits behind a glass enclosed booth. The salesman appears to plead with the manager while the manager yells at the salesman just loud enough for you to hear.

After you send the salesman back with your twelfth counter offer, the manager leaves his booth and comes to speak to you personally. You and the manager strike a deal. The salesman shakes his head and looks sad. He's been beaten by a better negotiator. The negotiations have taken three hours but you feel victorious. You can almost feel the envious stares of all the other pedestrians who are still wearing last year's flip-flops.

Next, you wait to speak to the cashier. You think you are in the clear but you are not. "Would you like to buy the extended warranty with those flip-flops?", he says. "What about fabric protection? Imagine how you'll feel if those flip-flops get dirty. I don't think we can finance those flip-flops for you for anything less than 32.9% interest. How about if we go seventy two months on those?"