The Electronic Age Is A Myth

Well, as you know, I sold my car. In order to satisfy the fine folks at Wells Fargo, they require a copy of the transferred title. It's not good enough just to show that the car has been paid off. They are idiots.

I drove to Orlando last Friday morning to meet the buyer at his bank. He had a cashier's check issued, we signed the bill of sale. I took the check. He took the car. Done, right? Wrong.

The next step was to pay off the car loan. On Friday, I sent the cashier's check to my credit union which happens to be in Minnesota. After a Monday morning phone call, they found the overnight package and credited my account - for $5,000. They held the rest of the funds for five business days. (I hate the term "business days". Why don't they just say seven days?) Can anyone tell me what the point of a cashier's check is, if the bank is going to hold it for a week? Have any of you ever had a check that you wrote clear your bank less than a day or two after it was deposited? I didn't think so.

After more phone calls, I was able to get them to make an exception and release the funds. Now to pay off the finance company. So I called them and asked how to do this. "Just send us a cashier's check and we'll credit your account about five business days after we receive it.", they said. So, let's see. I get my bank to turn around and issue a cashier's check made out to the finance company. They mail it to me from Minnesota. That's three days. Then, I overnight the check to the finance company. That's another day. The finance company credits my account a week after they get the check. That's seven more days. Eleven more days to get the loan paid off? That's not working for me and I once again begin to work my way up the chain of employees, only this time at the finance company.

At last the finance company suggests that I wire the funds to them. They state that they will credit my account 24 hours after the wire arrives. "Great!", I say. Consider it done. I took down all of the wire information and contacted my bank to do the wire. "I'm sorry", my bank says, "but we don't have an authorization form to do wires on your behalf on file here at the bank. You'll have to send us that." UGH!! Okay, fine, email me the form. The form arrives. I sign it and run it down to the post office to send it back via overnight mail, where I wait behind the three post office losers I've already told you about.

The next day I call my bank. "Do you have the authorization form?", I ask. "Yes, we have it", they reply. Finally, now we can do the wire. The wire is done and my bank informs me that the finance company will have the funds in 2-4 hours. I wait 24 hours, just to be sure.

The next day, I call the finance company to see if they have the wire. "Oh, that takes about 72 hours for us to update your account." My face contorts and my fists instantly clench. "No. Unacceptable. Put me through to a supervisor." The supervisor gives me the same spiel, but I insist that a human being get on the phone right now, find my wire, and update my account. The supervisor promises to call me back the same day. No call comes.

The next day, the supervisor calls. "We have your wire and we have credited your account", she says. "Wonderful! When can I have the title?", I ask. "I'll transfer you to someone in the title department, please hold.", she replies.

The title department answers and I again ask when I can have my title. "Well, let's see. Your title is electronic and can be printed at your state DMV. All we have to do is just release the lien and you will be all set.", the agent tells me. "Awesome! Make it so, Number One!", I say. "Oh that will take about five business days.", she says.

Son of a bitch!