Middle Age Sets In

This month I will be 41 years old and I feel every bit of it. The older I get, the harder it becomes to surround myself with friends that are even older than I am to make me feel young, although some of you will still do nicely. Come to think of it, there aren’t too many people I can stand next to that will make me look thinner. But that’s a story for another blog.

Last year, I was on vacation with some extended family members. As we rode along together in a rented minivan, my teenaged cousin turned to me and fixed her mouth to tell me that I was “old”.

On a recent morning walk, a little neighborhood child of about five years in age was eager to tattle on his friend who had just run off. He waved me down wildly to get my attention as I could hear nothing over my ipod. (I refuse to capitalize “ipod”). When I removed the earbuds, he repeated himself, pointing toward his little friend that was dashing away, “That little boy called you an old, fat man.”

When did I become “old”? For me, it first became apparent when I caught myself humming along to the piped in music at the grocery store. They were playing the muzak version of Madonna’s La Isla Bonita. Next came the day that I realized most doctors and police officers were at least ten years younger than me. Aren’t these people supposed to be older than me?

Over the last year, something occurred to me that I had never thought of before. The senior citizens that I am surrounded by were all young once. Isn’t that crazy? I mean, of course nobody is born wearing Velcro shoes and a blue perm, but it just didn’t occur to me that these people had once been the same ones whose music was too loud. They were the same people embracing new technology while their parents were still sitting in front of the radio to get the evening news.

Well, for those of you who are still lucky enough to be younger than I am, listen up kiddies. The next time you think about making fun of some “old” person who just doesn’t get it, think again. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. You are just the next in a long line of future out-of-shape middle-aged losers whose children will make fun of you for still listening to Blink 182 or Li'l what's-his-name, or whoever it is you like to listen to. So, show old people some respect, because you almost are one!

For those of you that are older than me, would you please get the hell off the road with your Mercury Grand Marquis and your mobility scooter? And get a debit card for God’s sake! Writing checks is so “yesterday”. I don’t have all day, you old farts. Geez, old people just don’t get it do they?